The Very Large Moose with Delicious Fur 

Our Multiversal investigators discovered this piece long ago in a parallel universe. By analyzing the timelines, this seems to be in place of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's A Very Old Man with Enormous Wings, a redesign of sorts.

Squelch! With one last downward thrust of the harpoon, the last crab had finally been slain. It was impossible to tell how much time had passed while the battle for the Canito household had raged on. The dark sheet of clouds battered heavy rain against the shattered shells covering the unkempt lawn, the sound of the wind rustling the trees and the waves hitting against the jagged stone cliffs almost deafening to the two men who valiantly saved their home.

Andy stood in the doorway, holding a large club and a sack that was shoddily labeled “Krab”. He was unnaturally large, yet incredibly lean, wearing tattered linen clothes with ghoulish gray skin and eyes to match. Despite looking like he just came from a coffin, he has incredibly long, curly, and healthy hair that rests on his boney shoulders, and a smile that would reflect the rays of the sun, had the clouds not blocked it for a week now.

Nino wipes the gore off the bench overlooking the water and takes a deep breath, finding a moment of peace during the violent typhoon.. Side by side, the two men are stark contrasts. Nino is a lot shorter than Andy, and much stockier. He’s lost most of his hair and all of his teeth, but the pearls carved into pearly whites resting in his mouth make it nearly impossible to tell.

“You’re forgetting something,” Andy remarks “You were supposed to go out and shear the moose. We need to make tarps to catch the crabs coming in.”

Nino sighs as he looks up, letting the rain flow down his tan face. He had no care for those moose, nor the long venture into the lands it took to find where they roamed, but his fear of Andy’s wrath superseded these concerns. He goes into his house, kicking the crab carcasses around as he heads to his room and collects his supplies. The stench of rotting crab has baked into the walls, however the smell no longer pierces his nose, and has actually turned quite sweet from the many years it’s plagued him. Fit with climbing gear, a paraglider, a few days' food, and his trusty harpoon, he gives Andy a quick kiss and heads out onto the long road.

Nothing surprises Nino anymore, for this trek across the country has been a monthly endeavor for the past twenty years. When he was a young teen making this walk with his father, the sight of the calm waters caressing the smooth beaches of the island and the sight of the suns piercing their scarlet rays of light through the sky always gave him comfort. That was until the seas began to fight back. The beaches were occupied by a large port city, known as Everest, where fishing and whaling brought much prosperity to the town. Perhaps the town angered the spirits protecting the creatures of the ocean the city so carelessly slaughtered, or perhaps the creatures themselves invoked the sea’s wrath. No matter what caused the seas to fight back, the devastation it reaped shocked the lives of everyone living on Everest Island. On a seemingly normal day, clouds rapidly formed over the town, and the waters began to churn, and before anyone knew it the sea began to rise and become more volatile. Within hours, the town had been completely submerged, but the spirits of the sea were not satisfied with their vengeance, and wanted more. They carved Everest out of the island and pulled it into the sea, leaving a horseshoe-shaped outcropping with jagged stone cliffs where Everest used to be. Only a few houses survived along the outskirts of the city, and the Canito household was one of the lucky few on the edge of where the spirit’s blades cut through the stone. From that point on, storms have become much longer, and the souls of the sea lead armies of sea creatures onto the shores to drive the remaining citizens of Everest Crater away.

However, the raids don’t affect Nino anymore, nor the waves, nor the spirits that wail from the waters below the house. It’s the people’s fear of the island now. Most of the cities of Everest have abandoned their homes now, and fled to yonder lands to escape the wrath of the sea. The surrounding towns used to fly up to the moose’s back, where the fur is the tastiest. It’s also the pestilence that is the storms that hover over him often, blocking his view of the stars that feed his addiction to nostalgia. He used to go out and view the stars every night, now he feels lucky if he gets to see them at all.

It takes him hours to escape the storm on foot, but finally Nino had trekked along the long road far enough away from the crater to see the scarlet sky, the sun peering down directly overhead. Sadly, for Nino, he had to savor the sun’s gentle light, for he needed to cut through the forests to get to the fields, where the moose would normally rest. The trees grew uncontrollably over the years, its dense purple canopy blocking the sun more efficiently than the clouds could even dream, and their large pale trunks reaching so the leaves may tickle the heavens. The creatures of the forest looked down upon Nino from their shadowed perches along the thick branches. Nino pretends their glimmering eyes are the stars he strives to see and continues his adventure across the rough terrain the light-starved underbrush has created over the years.

The beauty of the forest is undeniable. The unnaturally dark environment has caused the flora and fauna of the mystical woods to adapt at an extraordinary rate, Nino seeing a new variation of the animals and plants as he makes these walks. The fruits and the fungi emanate the delicate colors of teal, pink and yellow. Crab apples now hang from the trees like small lanterns before they begin snipping at his ears with their flytrap like claws. Some of the bugs have adapted colors that protect them from the altered vision of their predators, whose eyes pierce through the unrelenting shadows that cover them. Despite this, most of the animals have gotten a lot friendlier, their words gentle to the ears as they whisper in the trees. While waving to a family of friendly squirrels in the trees, Nino trips right to the ground, the dense layer of leaves and underbrush cushioning his fall. Getting to his bearings, he looks to his boots to see that they had been tied together, light blue sprinkles of glowing spores spread across the worn laces. Nino shakes his head as he looks around for the impish culprits. While some animals have gotten nicer, some have become a little more mischievous over the years.

“You know,” Nino sighs, rolling his eyes. “You little pesky gnats don’t have to make my trips miserable”

Small gasps emit from the trees as they seem to illuminate, small lights fading on slowly until the area brightens, almost brighter than if the sun were shining down. The small lights begin to spread their wings and take off, flying in circles around Nino in organized swarms. “We are NOT gnats,” the butterflies cry out. “Comments like that are what get you tripped!”

“No,” Nino says, untying his shoes “Walking casually through this forest is what gets me tripped. You little demons just like getting into trouble.”

Thousands of little voices laugh at the comment and begin closing in on Nino. “Well maybe if you ever shared with your neighbors once in a while,” The butterflies say. “We wouldn’t be so hostile.”

“Fly up and get your own fur,” Nino retorts. “I have a husband to feed. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to get my own food.”

He begins to walk past the swarm, until a sudden force whisks him off his feet and begins to fly him around, the butterflies gripping to his legs and tossing him like a rodeo. “Now now, Nino,” the butterflies say playfully. “We don’t much care for the sun, and it’s so hard to breathe up there. Can’t you spare some for the hungry?”

Nino attempts to fight back as an annoyed expression spreads across his face “And why should I do that? You little worms never did nothing for me!”

“Double negative!” They mock as they drop Nino on a branch, high above the ground. A few of the more elegant ones hover over Nino’s head as they smile down at him. “Surely we can find a compromise, why don’t we make a bargain!”

“Yeah? What are you offering? Better make up for all the shit you’ve talked for the past decade!” Nino crosses his arms and grits his teeth, glaring.

“And we’re so so sorry for that.” They say, clearly feigning genuinity. “So we want to offer you express passage through the forest, and we’ll take a portion of your fur in return!”

“And if I say no?”

“We put you on the canopy and leave you to get down on your own!”

“I’ll just go around!”

“PLEEEEASE,” they cry out. “We only get to hear about the fur’s taste from the spirits! We just want a bit!”

“Fine,” Nino concedes. ”But you have to get me through this forest fast!”

“DEAL,” The butterflies sing in joy as they cover Nino’s entire body, lifting him up and whisking him through the dense forest. His bodys weaves around the trees with more finesse than water in a gentle brook. Little giggles surround Nino as within minutes he finds himself just before the edge of the forests. “Remember your end of the deal!” they tease as they spread throughout the trees.

Nino shakes his head and continues on his journey, walking past the last tree on the forest’s perimeter. The fields beyond the trees had always been enchanting, and possibly enchanted. The glimmering green grass complemented the reddish suns as they clashed at the horizon, and the flowers that traveled across the lands hugged Nino’s ankles before returning to their migration around the island. In the distance, towering over the grasslands, was a herd of five enormous moose, their horns scraping the thin veil of clouds out of the sky as they slowly ventured across the fields. Nino felt fortunate that they were in the fields, though he had a few miles to go before he reached them. He asked one of the horses if they could help him get to the moose, and after bargaining a share of the moose fur, they graciously assisted Nino to the moose.

The ride took the rest of the daylight, and the moose began feeding off of the stars that slid across the sky, akin to the waterbugs Nino used to catch in his little net on the shores of Everest. Nino walked over to one of the massive hooves and began climbing on its tower-like legs and set his alarm clock to a few hours from now. He climbed up by wrapping the rope around many of the wooden stakes he had embedded into the moose’s flesh on his past ventures, and pulling himself up slowly, stake by stake.

Hours had passed before reaching the knee, and the fatigue in his muscles began to set in, but he couldn’t rest until he reached the moose’s back. He took a deep breath and returned to his steady ascent up the leg of the beast. Nino remained calm until panic struck him deep in his heart as the alarm clock within his pack of supplies began to ring. Nino started tying himself to the wooden stake as the moose’s leg began to lift and move. The force of the air pushing against a hanging Nino was strong and began pulling him from his grip on the moose’s brown fur. His grip had to remain strong, for he fears the wooden stakes may not be able to support him if he lets go. His ears popped as the freezing wind flowed across the great beast’s legs, making it incredibly difficult to breathe, let alone hold on for dear life. His head became fuzzy and light as the g-forces began to set in, and he felt faint. In desperation and a stroke of genius, he unlatched his harpoon from his pack and embedded it into the flesh of the great beast. When he finally couldn’t, the wind pushed him into the shaft of his harpoon, saving the wooden stakes from Nino’s full weight as they creaked and moaned.

Thumm! The thunderous sound of the massive hoof lying flat against the ground snapped Nino awake, the rising suns blinding him as he attempted to open his eyes. His muscles were stiff from the harsh temperature that burned down to the bone, but he was alive and hanging from the stakes. He took a minute to warm up within the dense fur of the beast, retrieved his harpoon, and began his ascent once more. The next half was a piece of cake, having much more dense fur to hold onto and keep warm inside. Nino grappled his rope onto a vertical stake at the shoulder of the beast, and lifted his tired body onto the beast’s broad back, panting. Hundreds of birds erupted into chirps and cheers upon his arrival, many of them trading seeds amongst each other. It was common for them to wager to see if Nino would survive the moose’s movements. Nino stood to his feet and once again offered his surplus of crab meat for their assistance in harvesting the fur. They all happily accept his offer and begin shearing the great beast, and give Nino an offer that surprised even him; “Sit, Enjoy the view. We’ll do the work”.

Nino thanked the normally selfish birds and told them about the bargain he made with the butterflies. He sat on the edge of the colossal beast looking down upon Everest Island. He’d never been able to appreciate the view from the back of the moose before. Never had he noticed the smiling visage of a woman formed from the red dunes in the north, nor how the sun reflected off of the rooftops of the abandoned city of Tolbeit in the east, where only cruel spirits and antisocial angels visit. He had never seen how the tops of the forest canopies give back the light it robs from the sun in the form of dark bioluminescence, nor how calming the storm looks in the distance. He was enamored by the fact that the island seemed like a perfect cylinder protruding from the waters, except for what used to be Everest. He had never been able to truly appreciate the beauty the island had grown when pursuing the nostalgia the stars had given him, and similar to when he observed the beaches of Everest as a boy, he felt pleasantly surprised. Before he prepared his paraglider, he gave one last look on the horizon of the sea, and the memories of its rage were supplanted by its beauty for just a brief second. Finally, he jumps, and glides gently to his home once again.

Plink! The sound of the wine glasses put a smile on their faces. A plate of fur, topped with tomato sauce from a can Andy managed to scavenge, and some parsley filled their noses with its delectable smell, masking the rotting crab the birds feast upon. The rain bludgeoning the tarp suddenly ceased, the clouds parting and dispersing.

“...Well, that’s surprising.” Andy remarked.

“You just summed up my whole trip.” Nino jokes.

The two men have a hearty laugh as they look upon the sky, the petulant storm fading into nothing but a haze along the horizon of the sea.